One Woman Army

"Girls just have a thing for babies..." huh???

I'm on deadline mode right now for two separate publications, pieces which are both due today (and will unfortunately and likely be late as I'm pulling a morning, afternoon, and evening shift today at work).

So the blogging will be slow coming for a day or two.

However, there is a comment that has been stuck in my head since yesterday that I have to get off my chest.

At drinks the other night, a guy whom I was acquaintanced with asked if I knew anyone who would be a live-in for doing a few hours of childcare a week. Since I do childcare, my first thought and comment was no (it was out of town) but also that it would have to be a pretty good situation to be a live-in and do childcare since you open yourself up to doing more childcare and having less free time than you would like to.

He commented "I figured it wouldn't be hard to find someone since girls have a thing for babies anyways and like doing that stuff".

A... huh????

Okay. I am doing childcare now but hate to think that the only reason I'm good at is is because I'm a girl. When I started doing childcare once again, I took a heap of comments from a guy friend in particular who seemed to view it only as "babysitting" as opposed to real work. To commenting that I could be doing better, more important work. To ignoring me when I talked about the need for higher paid and higher valued childcare. Childcare has the stereotype of being women's work, therefore being undervalued and underpaid.

But my current employer but it best when she hired me, saying "of course we want to pay good wages - you're taking care of our kids. What is more important than that?"

I know plenty of women who do not want children, plan to never have children, and are at a total loss when around them. I am one of the rare few women out of my female friends who does want children. I don't attribute it at all to my gender or sex.

Rather - think about how we're raised? Give the girls some dolls and the boys some trucks. Nature or nurture? I'd argue its part personality and partially the society we grow up in.

That comment got under my skin and itched. Now that the itch is gone, time for me to head to work.

- Artemis.

The Wage Gap, Student Survival, & Blogging for Pleasure

Its no news to any readers here (I hope) both that students are poor and women are still behind in the wage gap.

I, unfortunately, fit into both categories. I have been in university for 10 years now, working in various forms of my undergraduate degree then master’s degree - always working other jobs - to pay for my education. I managed to avoid the trap of student debt up until my master’s degree. But despite getting *minimal* funding (women’s studies is at the bottom of the funding ladder at my university), I still had to go and get my first student loan and now find myself $25,000 in debt four years later.

I have worked some fabulous jobs - some upaid - many of them at wages far beneath their worth for the value of the job opportunity. Campus newspaper editors, graphic design work, student union work, union organization work - all amazing wonderful job experience. Now childcare. And I have watched numerous of my male colleagues and friends be able to later on maneuver these jobs into high paying jobs, or, on the flip side, working the same work as me and getting paid more for it.

All that said, I still find myself on the track of wanting to pay for my education (and my general lifestyle and what not) through things that I enjoy and are of benefit to me personally. No McDonald’s job or Walmart job for this chicky. So, loyal readers, I have no qualms of signing up for PayPerPost - as referred by fellow blogger extraordinaire Gypsy Princess.

Payperpost will allow me to pick and choose to occasionally write about products on this site while being paid for it. The great thing about PayPerPost (I’ve done some pretty extensive research) is that you can write about the product however you choose. GypsyPrincess does a great job of this - writing about something she had actually already planned to write about but then dropping in a few sentences about a relevant product into the post - all the while getting paid for it. I did share her initial concerns about selling out - but as my rationale above explains, I don’t want to have to take a walmart job and would much rather get paid to do something I really love to do.

So be on the look out for the occasional post (I’m going to be very picky, don’t worry about that) and please stick around, support me loyal readers!!!!!

-Artemis

ps - on a separate note, some of you may have noticed the OhMiBod ad on the side. This was a separate initiative of mine after discovering it through another feminist blogger and I am soooo in awe of the technology that has put music and pleasure together. And I am a huge proponent of women’s pleasure and will be purchasing one myself So check it out, and let me know what you think!

Women's Work is Real Work

My recent starting of a job in childcare has got me thinking just how underappreciated and unappreciated childcare work really is.

Its something I must’ve forgotten - I had spent years babysitting, nannying - as an alternate means of money for my education. I watched friends struggle with trying to pay for quality childcare - try to find space in a daycare, try to pay for it. Many other childcare workers I knew often ran daycares out of their own homes, under the table, because space was so high in demand. Yet, the amounts they were paid were still so slim. How does a parent on a low yearly salary, sometimes minimum wage, afford childcare if workers hope to be paid mimimum wage or ideally more?

Its all come rushing back to me now as I spent nearly 30 hours a week doing childcare, trying to balance it with my thesis work, in addition to other paid and unpaid work at the University.

When I began this job in November, one of my friends in particular would regularly make comments about how I should quit the job, there’s better things to do. Or if the new job interferred with my on-campus responsibilities - the on-campus work was always deemed more important according to this friend.

Similarily, talking to my grandma on the phone a few days ago - she asked me “oh Artemis, you must be able to find a better job than babysitting? Something that pays more?”

“But Grandma, I’m getting paid more than minimum wage…”

“Oh. Well, you must be able to find something better to do? More interesting? You have so many skills…”

Sigh.

So why the backlash on childcare? Its something I’ve never really understood.

What it all comes down to though, is that childcare has always been the primary responsibility of women. And, as belonging to women, has so been made to be inadequate. Unimportant. Less skilled. Lower. Certainly paid lower on the pay scale of things. But most importantly, deemed of a lower status because it is women’s work - it is not “real” work.

This of course is the battle now that we have to face not only in our own lives, but in politics. Fighting for universal, paid childcare in Canada is something that is not going to come easy while Harper is in government. But the benefits of it - for families, parents, children - and yes, childcare workers who might actually see themselves being paid good wages, actually have jobs - is so important.

And while I don’t have time to write or explain fully now the atrocities of the Harper plan for supposed “universal childcare” - $100/month for each family, yup that’s the whole cost of childcare - Paul Mitchinson has a fabulous post that explains fully the intricacies and atrocities of the current plan and what is truly needed.

This, is my morning thought, as I roll out of bed, drink my coffee, and walk 20-minutes to work to spend the day with the kiddies.

-Artemis.

Women's Work is Never Done... But Today It Is.

Because I am a woman, I must make unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no one will say, “She doesn’t have what it takes.” They will say, “Women don’t have what it takes.” ~Clare Boothe Luce

In this new age of working women, what is it about us that makes us overwork so much?

Women - and I apologize if advance if I sound as if I am stereotyping - have an innate tendency to accept responsibility. This is not a judgement at all on biology - rather, it is a social judgement on how we are raised in society. Women are raised to be nurterers, to be the responsible one in the family. We are the ones who clean up after messes, who write the Christmas cards, send the thank-you cards, order the flowers and make arrangements when someone passes on. We are single mothers, widowers, and of course, workaholics. We know how to survive and how to make life work for ourselves and our families when times are tough.

All that said, is this what contributes to the enormity of women who are over-working multiple jobs today, endlessly single from trying to progress their work lives, to succed, without time for relationships?

Today I had to write the incredibly difficult email of having to quit a job that I had taken on, but truly just didn’t have the time to do. Of being stretched too thin working not one, not two, not three, but four paid jobs plus volunteer work and unpaid work. Something’s gotta give, and it has to be what one doesn’t enjoy.

This design job had progressed far too long without any progress. Promises had been made, and I should have backed out many many moons ago.

It is still never easy to write that letter, to say the words - “I quit.”

I want to do it all.

I want to save the world.

After all, I am a One Woman Army.

- Artemis.

Free Man in Paris

"I was a free man in Paris I felt unfettered and alive There was nobody calling me up for favors And no one’s future to decide You know I’d go back there tomorrow But for the work I’ve taken on Stoking the star maker machinery Behind the popular song"

   

- Joni Mitchell, Free Man in Paris

I think this photo is fairly self-explanatory for the mood of today's post.

***

What is it about me, exactly, that drives me to have a "I can save the world" complex? I have a t-shirt that reads "Saving the world, one vagina at a time". I might not be able to do that in my lifetime, but I'm sure as hell going to try.    And try, and try, and try.    And when I fail, or when I can't find it in my calendar of events to do everything possible, the guilt kicks in.    Guilt that I can't do it at all.     

***

  I finally learned to say no to something this weekend. A weekend feminist retreat, which most likely would've been fabulous to attend. But my energy just isn't there. I've only been back at work for a week and already I'm exhausted. This must've been the longest week ever. New opportunities are arising from every corner, and while it's both exciting and terrifying, I wonder if I really do have enough time to do it all. Missing the retreat this weekend was supposed to allow me the time to work, instead, on my thesis ethics proposal. Now with Saturday nearly over, what have I to show for it? A day full of online monopoly-playing instead.    My body, my mind, needed a rest. Needed a break so bad. Today's day of nothingness certainly proves that. And yet, the guilt is niggling still - guilt as I've backed out of yet another conference next weekend in order to do an entirely separate event. Artemis to self: It's okay to NOT do everything and to NOT be responsible for everything.

***

Is this a socially learned part of being a woman? This desire, this need, to do everything? To fix everything? To be everywhere at all times? To be everything to everyone? To save the world? Women are the caregivers, the nurturers, the ones who look after the home. In looking after the home physically, that also entails a huge amount of emotional care.    We're trained to be the ones that people come to. To fix problems. To wipe the tears, be the bearer of bad news, be the shoulder to cry on. And pretty soon, before we even realize we were being trained, it becomes so engrained that we don't even realize that we're doing it. And then, when we can't bear that responsibility, when we feel the need to be selfish, to look after ourselves - we feel guilty.

***

How do we overcome it though? For years I've been trying to do exactly that. At times I think I've done it. Learned to be selfish. To practice self-care, to worry about myself first.    But then the arm gets tingly, the lack of sleep kicks in, and the guilt becomes a gnawing fixture. The need to be doing everything for everybody all the time. And before I know it, I realize that once again, I'm overdoing it. People are walking all over me, asking me to do everything and be everything to everyone - and I've entirely allowed them to do that. Time for another reality check. - Artemis.

Practice what you preach....

"Feminism encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practise witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." Pat Robertson, US Politician, 1992.

It’s been three weeks since the university shut down for the holidays.

Three blissful weeks of vacation, of doing absolutely nothing, of being solitary and reclusive. Certainly there were days where I became googly-eyed, longing for the outdoors but still feeling the need to stay inside, by myself. I’ve gone days at time this holiday without any human contact except through online messaging. No phones, no visits, no socializing.

I’ve never really had this time before to be utterly alone. Holidays were usually spent with family, visiting old friends, every day packed. This is the first year that I’ve had where I didn’t go “home” for Christmas - so there was no one to catch up with. I can’t say I regret it at all.    Now, not only I am going back to work on Monday, but friends are returning from their own holidays.    Let the visiting begin.   

***

I’ve had multiple talks with friends this week about the boy. I’ll go months at a time without thinking there might be the slightest chance for anything more than friendship between us. I deny myself this, not allowing myself to believe there might be a chance.

It’s self-preservation.

Yet another person asked this week if the boy and I were together. More than friends.    I wonder what it is that all these other people see that I don’t see? That I’m unable to see?

A friend asked me yesterday, what if he did return your feelings? Have you ever thought that maybe he does?

No.

It’s self-preservation.   

****

Let’s jump around today. My thought patterns are random, probably from sitting inside watch depressing films all day. 21 Grams. Definitely not a movie about drugs, as I had assumed.

I had many discussions this week on violence against women again. V-Day, the movement to stop violence against women and girls. Certainly it’s been criticized for it’s exclusion in the past of some groups of women, for not being inclusive to all women, for being ethnocentric. Transexuality has been one of those critiques, and the lack thereof, in the past.

The inclusion of the optional performance monologue “They Beat the Girl out of My Boy… Or So They Tried” into The Vagina Monologues has addressed many of those concerns. However, although the monologue itself - a beautifully written montage of various voices of transwomen, written by author Eve Ensler after lengthy interview - addresses violence against women in a new light, to audiences, does it still do that for those performing and organizing the shows themselves?

The discussions where I work this week have been centred around which optional monologue to perform. There’s the trans-monologue. There’s a monologue about domestic violence on native reserves. In the past we’ve done optional monologues on women in Islamabad and Juarez, Mexico. How do you choose which monologue to perform?

The central debate this week has been that “The Crooked Braid”, a piece written about domestic violence on American native reserves, does more to address one of the central functions and purposes of V-Day and The Vagina Monologues - the ending of violence against women. The argument has been that this piece addresses specifically violence against women, while “They Beat the Girl…” is more about sexuality.

I’d argue exactly the opposite. To limit the themes of “They Beat the Girl out of My Boy… Or So They Tried” solely to being about sexuality is an enormous misunderstanding not only of this piece, but of transexuality and the experiences of trans-women as a whole. For too long transwomen have been isolated from our society, even from productions such as The Vagina Monologues which purport to look at empowerment for women. If we can’t accept transwomen and look at the oppression that they themselves go through, then what are we doing as feminists?

The systemic violence of oppression and ignorance that transsexuals and transgendered persons face is part of sexism, part of patriarchy, part of violence against women.    Perhaps as feminist women, we need to look more at our own socialization and roles in society.    Just because we’re feminists trying to save the world doesn’t mean we’re immune to being oppressive ourselves.

Media and pop culture have created a typified image of violence against women - the most common images portrayed being domestic violence and rape. It would be mistaken to assume that these are the only types of violence against women, however. Why should domestic abuse and rape be the most symbolic and representative types of violence against women?    That assumption minimizes the countless other types of violence that women go through - both on a systemic and individual level. It says that one person’s violence is more important to get rid of than another’s, that their experiences, their traumas, their heartaches and abuses are more important.   

Mimimizing violence against women, whatever form it may take, does nothing to stop violence against women. It can only perpetuate it further.

 

Fight the Good Fight

"We cannot sow seeds with clenched fists. To sow we must open our fists. No podemos sembrar con los punos cerrados. Para sembrar, hay que abrir los punos." -Adolfo Perez Esquivel

I love this photo. I took it last summer on Vancouver Island. I love the sea air, the salt, the openess, the freedom, the utter peace I feel when I'm there.

******

It's early in the morning. I've been up for hours now, eyes glazed at my computer screen. Playing with my blog. It's been a holiday full of nothingness, necessary nothingness. I am both excited and terrified of going back to work already. I've tried to work it into my routine slowly now - much of yesterday was spent at home with new graphics and logos and fonts and design. But the real work, the activist work, has yet to come and will still wait until next week. I am terrified of being in the same position I found myself before holiday - will I want to quit it all, to pack up and leave? Can I really make a difference? When the entire world is against you, it's hard to feel like you're making a difference. I've been told I am - keep going they say. I know if everything was easy, then there wouldn't be anything to fight against. Violence against women, rising tuition, access to education, sexism... just a few of the things that wind their way into my day-to-day life. But when the people who surround you, the people you work with, aren't enabling you to do the job you're meant to do, the job you're hired to do, then how much of a difference can you really make? Fight the good fight, they say. It would be nice if it wasn't always a fight.

****

What am I fighting for? V-World - to quote Vagina Goddess Eve Ensler. A world without violence. Is is possible? I can't believe that it's not, because if it's not, then what I am fighting for?

****

It's nearly noon now. The sun is out for the first time in days. It's peeking through my windows into my dark apartment, where I've been lazily holed up since New Year's. But as work slowly creeps it's way back to me, I know I need to move forward. My thesis is something that's been haunting me for over a year now. The academics of life - it's so much easier to get caught up in something where you can see the results first hand, where you feel that you're really making a difference. The theoretical as opposed to the practical. I want to be out there - doing, not talking about what I could be doing. But if I'm going to move foward and continue making change, I can't continue having this albatross hanging over my head. All that's left is to get ethics approval and I can start my research. And I am excited about it. It's something where I might be able to make change, to enable women to empower themselves further, to add to something that I really believe in.

****

V-World. A world without violence. That's what I'm working for. The rest of it, is it worth my fighting for? Is my energy worth spending on it? That's a question for another day. We'll see what the New Year brings. -Artemis