My body, my womb

My body aches for children.

It aches to be pregnant, to have a life held inside my womb. It aches to take care of children of my own. To be a mother.

Its an odd place to be for a feminist activist. For a one woman army.

My cohort of feminist soldiers consist of women and men who are part of a sexual revolution of free love, body love, independence, socialism - to name a few. They are the women and men who promote safer and happy sex, who support a woman's right to choose - but do not themselves long to have children at any near point in time.

Rather, I am surrounded on one side of me by women who begin to panic, sweat, and have their nerves wracked at the slightest sign of a late period. Thus, its an odd place to be when one longs for children.

On the other side of me, I am surrounded by playgroup-loving moms who promote midwifery, breastfeeding, and playdates with like-minded moms and caregivers. While on the feminists-who-don't-want-children side I feel odd in wanting to be pregnant, on this mom-centric side I am singled out on a weekly basis for not yet having children.

This includes comments such as "try this new baby sling, you might need one of your own soon", "you must feel your clock ticking now that you're thirty" and "you want children? how about a blind date to get that going?".

The comments are at least weekly from the mom side, sometimes as often as every few days.

So on one side, I am caught in a place of feeling strange to be wanting children, and on the other I'm in a place where I'm made to feel odd for not having children yet.

On this same side, its interesting to note that there is never any talk of having children on my own, or with a same-sex partner (if I chose that). The assumption is always that I have to find a man - never are theere questions of "oh you want kids, how are you planning that?" Rather its always "are you dating?"

Finally, to add to all this kuffufle, my doctor wants me to start taking prenatal vitamins to get my iron up. Not an iron supplement. Not a multi-vitamin. But a prenatal vitamin. Prenatal vitamins for the woman who is not pregnant, who wants to be pregnant, and now has a daily reminder of that longing in the form of a prenatal vitamin.

Irony is just a wonderful thing.

For those of us who are childless, its an interesting place to be. The wanting to be pregnant, the wanting of children and timing and how to do it and reactions and world around us all contribute in such interesting ways.

-Artemis

Comments

[deBeauxOs]

Oye. Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. If you feel comfortable about doing so, try a small advert in your local gay/lesbian weekly, or through a local gay-positive place of religious worship - Unitarian, Metropolitan .... You may find a gay male kindred spirit who could be interested in co-parenting. It's a thought.

Mothering is an awesome, life-transformation choice. I hope if that is the commitment and path that you desire, that you can accomplish your dream.