This week I am going a bit crazy.
Typically I have always loved my period. I love the womanliness of my body, I love the reminder that I am a woman, I love knowing that I am fertile, human, lovely, bold. I am alive.
The past several months my cycle has changed significantly, with at least one day a month where my uterus throbs as if someone is wringing it out like a damp cloth. I clench, tense, grit my teeth and cry as my uterus contracts and convulses in pain. This is new. Never before have I had such menstrual cycles.
This month, not only has my uterus being convulsing, but it feels as if my head and heart have been as well. Nausea and dizziness surrounded me for several days before my period, and for the first day of. And just two days before my period, my sad temperament mixed with alcohol caused me to verbally attack a dear friend. My own emotions and issues? Quite possibly? Just my menstrual tensions? Maybe. A bit of both? Most certainly.
But the tension for the rest of the week has not left my body yet, and it takes very little to set my emotions running on high, my stomach to churn and my tension and stress to escalate. Whether its thinking about work (which is very little), feeling pressured by co-workers on campus, or missing friendly outings - I am in a scary roar this week and every minute makes me want to cry or rage.
I am glad the weekend is coming. I need a day of rest. I need to lay down and drink wine and sleep and be cozy with blankets. And yet, I’m scared that if I drink again, that if I talk with anyone, I will blow up at them accidently.
Begone pesky period, begone.
Comments